| Walking With Dinosaurs |
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| 04:16pm 11/10/2007 |
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HAPPY SPN DAY!
It occurs to me today that it's been a while since I actually, you know, talked about ANYTHING besides, like, SPN, or posted SPN fanfic.
A couple of weekends ago, I took Cyrus to Verizon Center ala free company tickets to go see Walking With the Dinosaurs which is a Discovery Channel show brought to life with animatronic LIFE SIZE dinosaurs. It was fucking incredible, dude. The dinosaurs looked amazingly real, down to scratches and imperfections in their rough hides. I remembered to put on my glases after the first 20 minutes or so, and the level of detail I could see once I did that was astounding. They saved the t-rex for last, and WOW, the roar, the twist of the head, the size of those open jaws. It strikes something VERY primal in the human consciousness. Cyrus and I both had flight or fight response shoot through us, every single time it roared, no matter that we knew it was fake. It was the awesomest thing I've seen in a while. I was actually as excited about it as Cyrus was.
And Cyrus, love him, mentioned wanting to buy something on the way out, and we waited in line for like 15 minutes checking everything out, decided everything was WAY fucking overpriced, and he turns to me and says "Are you gonna be mad if I don't buy anything? Like, think I didn't have a good time?" That boy knocks me on my ass with his thoughts sometimes. I actually laughed. Told him "No, of course not. I know you enjoyed it. You never have to do anything just to make me feel better. Besides, it saves us money." So we linked hands and left. He was very much more touch-y with me than usual, probably because we don't get to do that a lot, just hang out alone together. He curled up against me on the metro on the way home and I stroked his hair with one hand while I read (SPN fic i'd printed out godineedhelp), and he fell asleep on me. When it was time for us to get off the train, I woke Cy and glanced up to see an older man watching us, smiling warmly at the affection between us. Like we were a regular mother and child. And it startled me--in a happy way--and I realized that I felt closer to the way I imagine having a child of my own would feel, than I could ever remember.
I'm learning. In tiny, tiny baby steps. I just know I'd be such a better mother figure to our kids if I knew what it felt like to be a mother. I'm not naturally maternal... just NOT. Was born that way, I think. But I know I'd be more that way if I had a piece of myself walking around out there in the world. I think I couldn't NOT be, and I think it's something I can only hope to understand if I have a kid of my own. I think then, maybe that love, that motherly tenderness and closeness that would come of flesh of my flesh, would be able to grow and spread to the other children. How can you know a feeling until you've experienced it?
Or, you know. Something.
Witness, as my rapidly ticking biological clock finds a way to make everything all. about. IT. *G*
I have tons more to post about, but I also have a ton of work I have to get done, too--TODAY.
So, in conclusion...
HAPPY SPN DAY! |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| It's Like Torture |
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| 05:09pm 11/10/2007 |
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My iPod just started playing Hells Bells.
It's totally Pavlovian.
*squirms in seat* Is it time yet?????
How bout now? |
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Read 3 - Post |
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